Post by Rhonda on Jan 24, 2006 21:51:53 GMT -5
YOUR RESILIENT SELF
I often come back to a story about two men who came from similar
backgrounds. They both grew up in "dysfunctional" homes. An alcohol-addicted
parent raised them both. They both endured numerous
hardships as a result of the many problems brought about by their unstable
home lives.
As adults, however, their lives looked quite different. One man held a
steady job. He was married with a happy home life. He was involved in his
children's lives. He felt productive and useful.
A reporter interviewed him as part of an article she was writing on the
effects of alcoholism in the home. "To what do you attribute your
present circumstances?" she asked him, referring to his obvious success.
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
The other man could not seem to keep a job for long. He was
frequently let go for alcohol-related problems. He had been married,
but lost his wife due to his addiction. He felt hopeless and believed
himself to be a failure.
The reporter also asked him, "To what do you attribute your present
circumstances?"
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
Naturally, our past will shape our present. Our backgrounds are
crucial in determining the kinds of decisions we will make as adults.
But here is a case in which similar upbringings produced quite different
results.
Both men were shaped by their past. One slipped into those old,
familiar patterns and recreated them as an adult. The other was
determined never to repeat what he had experienced as a child. The first man
felt helpless to change. The other used his background as motivation to make
needed changes.
In his book THE RESILIENT SELF (New York: Villard Books, 1992), Stephen
Wolin emphasizes how our difficult backgrounds can actually
make us more resilient. Hardships can make us strong and give us needed
motivation to be different in the future. A difficult background can be no
less than a marvelous gift!
For some, their background is an excuse. For others, it is a gift!
Steve Goodier
I often come back to a story about two men who came from similar
backgrounds. They both grew up in "dysfunctional" homes. An alcohol-addicted
parent raised them both. They both endured numerous
hardships as a result of the many problems brought about by their unstable
home lives.
As adults, however, their lives looked quite different. One man held a
steady job. He was married with a happy home life. He was involved in his
children's lives. He felt productive and useful.
A reporter interviewed him as part of an article she was writing on the
effects of alcoholism in the home. "To what do you attribute your
present circumstances?" she asked him, referring to his obvious success.
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
The other man could not seem to keep a job for long. He was
frequently let go for alcohol-related problems. He had been married,
but lost his wife due to his addiction. He felt hopeless and believed
himself to be a failure.
The reporter also asked him, "To what do you attribute your present
circumstances?"
"Given my background," he replied, "what do you expect?"
Naturally, our past will shape our present. Our backgrounds are
crucial in determining the kinds of decisions we will make as adults.
But here is a case in which similar upbringings produced quite different
results.
Both men were shaped by their past. One slipped into those old,
familiar patterns and recreated them as an adult. The other was
determined never to repeat what he had experienced as a child. The first man
felt helpless to change. The other used his background as motivation to make
needed changes.
In his book THE RESILIENT SELF (New York: Villard Books, 1992), Stephen
Wolin emphasizes how our difficult backgrounds can actually
make us more resilient. Hardships can make us strong and give us needed
motivation to be different in the future. A difficult background can be no
less than a marvelous gift!
For some, their background is an excuse. For others, it is a gift!
Steve Goodier