Post by Rhonda on Mar 17, 2009 3:16:01 GMT -5
13 Ways to Transform Your Life
Lessons Janice Taylor learned from her own life-changing leap of faith five years ago.
By Janice Taylor
Five years ago, Janice Taylor took a mammoth leap of faith, diving headfirst into the proverbial pool of life. Determined to transform and reinvent her life and herself, she moved from large to small (size 18 to a size 4), from quiet to not-so-quiet, from stage-frightened to spotlight-craving, and from office worker to independent weight loss guru.
Today, Janice is a Life & Wellness Coach, the author of the best-selling "Our Lady of Weight Loss" and "All Is Forgiven, Move On"), a popular Beliefnet blogger, an inspiring motivational speaker, and a columnist. Her success-and the life changes that got her here--got us to wondering. How did Janice take that leap of faith and stick the landing? How did she avoid getting swallowed up by the fear monster and thoughts of failure?
Here, on the fifth anniversary of reinventing herself, Janice shares her secrets.
Leap of Faith: Ready, Fire, Aim!
It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself. ~ Muhammad Ali
We all have dreams - things that we want so intensely that we can taste them. Dreams that we can see in our mind's eye and feel in our hearts. As excited and as enthusiastic as we may be, it is sometimes hard to take the first steps that can turn our dreams into our realities.
Often doubt comes rolling in and knocks the wind out of our sails. Our energy start to fade. The negative self-talk begins: "What if I fail?" "Who am I kidding?" "This will never work." "I can't do it." Your first step is to realize that this is a natural phenomenon. We all have negative thoughts. Smile at these thoughts, and then get on your mark, get set, and READY, FIRE, AIM! Yup, you heard me right. Fire first; aim later.
Breathe and Energize
Breathe in experience, breathe out poetry. ~ Muriel Rukeyser
Take in a deep cleansing breath! You just jumped through the portal into life. Congratulations, and whew!
Breathing is an important part of the life-transformation plan, and it's something that we often overlook, because we think we already are breathing. Well, of course, we are, but usually not in a deep and meaningful way. Breathing releases endorphins that helps make us feel happy, enhances our appearance, and makes us feel instantly stronger and more confident. Breathing also revitalizes and energizes every cell in our body, as well as brings us back to center. So take a deep one!
Be Yourself
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde
That line from Oscar Wilde has got to be the one of the best ever uttered. Truly, wishing to look like, act like, or be someone else is an enormous waste of time and energy. You are fabulous and, happily, no one can be you, it's already taken! Discover and explore each and every part of your being, your psyche, your soul. Embrace yourself fully-who you are, and who you will become as you transform your life.
Expect the Best
"Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby."~ George Bernard Shaw in "Pygmalion"
It is called the Pygmalion effect and it's a fact: If you expect the worst, you get it. Thoughts are not just insubstantial bits of information that enter our minds and fade away into the ether; thoughts are concrete things. Our words, ideas, and beliefs shape our daily lives. So get out of victim mode. You are worthy. Your dreams are within your reach. Imagine positive situations with happy outcomes.
Instead of asking yourself, "Well, what's the worst thing that can happen?" Ask yourself, "What's the best thing that can happen?" Expect the best!
Reframe Failure as the "F" Word
"There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them." ~ Thomas Krause
Do you remember when you were a kid and you were playing a game and made a fumble, and yelled, "Do over - do over - do over?" Well, grown-ups can yell "do over" too.
We've been conditioned to think of failing as a big, fat, shame-filled "F," bringing forth punishment (like summer school). Truly though, failure is just a word that sets off a reaction in us. Let's take failure, change our reaction to this "F" word, and reframe it.
Okay, so things didn't turn out the way you wanted, or go the way you planned. Take a look at the situation without judgment. Ask yourself, "What really happened here? How can I experience this as feedback? What can I do differently next time?" No judgment, just learning. No failures, just feedback.
Use Your "Want Power"
There is no such thing as will power; only want power. ~ Our Lady of Weight Loss
It's not about your "will," it's about your "want." "Using your "want power" means that you want something enough to make the necessary changes in your lifestyle to get it, and to make sure that you have all the tools and support that you need to make those changes. It's the preparation that guarantees success. Want power means that you are willing to do what it takes to get what you want. Get on your walking shoes, because you are about to go that extra mile!
Show Up!
Eighty percent of success is showing up. ~ Woody Allen
Each and every morning I show up. Simple as that. I start the day by asking myself a very simple yet powerful question. "How will I show up today?" And then I take out my "show up" journal and write.
There's no yes or no in it; there's no right or wrong in it. And on a subconscious level, using the words "will I" in the question implies that you will yourself to and you will show up today. Writing down the question each day taps into your subconscious mind, which then sends the answers straight through your fingers, through the pen, and onto the page. Do not think; just be present with the pen and write. "Showing up" may look different from day to day and that's okay, because each day is different and brings forth different resources that live within.
Motivate
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. ~ Zig Ziglar
Isn't that the truth! Showing up and getting motivated go hand-in-hand.. Having shown up, I remind myself each day of what my goals are and what I need to do to move successfully throughout the day, toward my goals. At first, it may seem that staying motivated takes conscious effort, and it does! But once you are in the habit of showing up and motivating yourself, it will become as automatic as brushing your teeth
Give Yourself Permission
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" ~ Nelson Mandela
Reinvention and transformation come with new challenges. By stretching your envelope, your limits, and your thoughts, you are able to achieve more than you ever imagined. Give yourself permission to dream BIG, to do MORE, to BELIEVE in yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be you. Take the time to show up and take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to do, be, act however you need to so that you can give yourself whatever it is that you truly want from your life.
Practice ForgiveMess
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewish B. Smedes
No, that's not a typo. You really are creating quite a mess for yourself when you carry around years and platters-full of anger, upset, and resentment towards others and yourself. And while you may well be justified in your anger, because what so-and-so said and/or did was truly horrific, think about it. Who are you hurting? Yourself.
Frustration and aggravation can weigh you down both metaphorically and literally. Free yourself from guilt, anger, and hurt. Let the bitters go! Create space for success, abundance, prosperity, love, happiness, and enthusiasm. Repeat after me, "All is Forgiven, Move On!"
Choose What You'll Tolerate
"A leaky faucet, a barking dog - those are things you tolerate." ~ Candace Gingrich
What are you putting up with, what are you stomaching? What's getting in your way? What are you tolerating? It could be as simple as the dust behind the refrigerator, or could be a more complicated matter like a certain person in your life, or it could be one of those really tough things - bad hair days!
Any time you sincerely want to change your life, one of the first things you must do is change what you demand for yourself and raise your standards. Imagine all your "tolerations" as stones, twigs, and rocks - maybe even fallen trees - which you have essentially placed onto your path and have to maneuver around every day.
These stumbling blocks slow us down and sap our energy. As you clear your path, you will travel faster and more smoothly It will become increasingly easier to recognize and to say no to anything that could slow you down. Clear your path, and you will create space for your best self.
Toss Reality Out the Window
"I reject your reality and substitute it for my own."~ Adam Savage
Yes, I am advising you to set unreasonable goals if you want to transform your life. As "they" say, it's the journey that matters, not whether you reach the exact destination you thought you were heading towards. After all, the act of pursuing a goal activates the release of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine affects our capacity to feel pleasure and pain. Once the goal has been reached, the pleasure stops. So, it makes sense then to set a totally unreasonable goal, outside your comfort zone, and create small goals on the way to it. As you work toward your big "G," you will accomplish many little g's. It's a win/win!
Fear: What is it Good For? Absolutely Nothing!
Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. ~ Dorothy Thompson
"They" say that you have to be fearless. I say, "Be real. Who's not afraid?" The thing about fear is that you simply do not want to let it paralyze you, stop you from moving forward, or get in your way.
How can you do that? What if you make friends with fear and invite it in? "Hello fear! Come on in." When you do this, you will soon realize that you have survived your fear. You can let it go now. Knock fear out of the ballpark, circle the bases, and head on home. You are the champion of your newly transformed life.
``````````````````````
10 Ways to Be Your Own Life Coach
By Victoria Moran
Victoria Moran is an inspirational speaker, spiritual life coach, and author of books including "Creating a Charmed Life" and "Fat, Broke & Lonely No More
Though we often seek advice from others, many spiritual traditions teach that the answer lies within. In this gallery, Victoria Moran, inspirational speaker, spiritual life coach, and author, offers us the top 10 questions she asks her coaching clients.
By asking them of yourself, they can help you gain clarity in almost any situation. Just pick a challenge you're dealing with, and apply one or more of the following questions. Then, be willing to act on what your inner wisdom reveals.
Is This Good For Me?
This question needs to underlie every personal decision--from how to respond to a job offer or what to chose from a menu. So many of our choices are either snap decisions or belabored: We ask a friend (and another and another), make a pros and cons list, throw the "I Ching."
While such processes have a place, you can simplify things by asking yourself if this is genuinely good for you--physically, mentally, and spiritually, today and next week and in 10 years. Because your inner being looks after your true interests--not just your ego cravings--you'll get the guidance you're looking for.
What Does My Body Have to Say About This?
Our culture has long mistrusted the body. It's been seen as a confusing blend of God's handiwork and the devil's playground. It is, rather, a vortex of intelligence.
Every cell comes equipped with awareness. Your body has something in the neighborhood of 40 trillion cells--quite a consulting committee. Call on it when you're confused or undecided. Relax quietly and ask your body what it has to say. Then note any sensations. Around your heart, are you picking up excitement that says "Yes!" even if there's also a little anxiety about doing something new? Or in your belly, are you feeling dread, a "gut reaction" telling you to take another path?
What Are My Values?
This is an important question to ask yourself periodically--on your birthday perhaps, or at the New Year. It's both liberating and motivating to be so well acquainted with your values that you could recite them on demand.
My husband was working with this question and announced, "My values spell ditch: discretion, integrity, tolerance, civility, humility." He was so pleased with his discovery that he had a bracelet made with his values engraved on it. You may want to do something similar, but as long as your values are engraved on your psyche and acted on in your life, that's enough.
What Would Jesus (Buddha, Sai Baba, My Grandmother) Do?
Thinking of a role model, whether a great spiritual teacher or a sweet spiritual person, is like having a mentor on-call. Ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. A technique for tapping their wisdom is to write out the question and the answer. This doesn't mean that you're channeling a spirit or writing a new gospel: you're simply tapping into the wisdom that knowing this person (or knowing of this person) has given you.
Your questioning on paper can become a fascinating conversation that yields surprising insights. And it gives the phrase "friends in high places" a whole new meaning.
What Am I Not Seeing?
We all live with blinders on. They come with having a personal vantage point. And yet the answer to a dilemma may lie in seeing just another millimeter of the situation. Ask, then, "What am I not seeing here?" Often, what we're not seeing is what we don't want to see.
Let's say you're feeling uncomfortable in your job for no apparent reason. If you were to see just a bit more of the picture, you might learn (or remember) that the problem is not the role per se, it's that it isn't using a talent you're yearning to express. Once you see that, you can take appropriate action.
What Really Matters Here?
In his classic of the spiritual life, "At the Feet of the Master," Krishnamurti writes that as we grow spiritually, it is essential to discern not just right from wrong, but more important from less important.
Whether it's prioritizing your to-do list or figuring out which demands you can tend to today and which ones will wait, you need to ask yourself what really matters. Generally speaking, things with feelings--i.e., living beings, particularly those closest to you--will take precedence. No matter the answer, you'll learn what's of greatest consequence to you in this instance.
Where Should I Act and Where Should I Step Back?
Ask this to get a sense of what is yours to do and what isn't. This is the advanced class in enlightened living. Countless times we've all acted too soon or without sufficient information, or we've stepped in where our input wasn't needed and muddied circumstances that were already working themselves out.
When you ask yourself, quietly and confidently, what your part is in a given situation, and where to wait (or exit entirely), you'll get a clear idea of your role. If you ask the question and still want to act against the advice of your internal coach, remind yourself that, although life is a series of little dramas, none of them needs a drama queen (or king).
What Would Make Me Genuinely Happy?
"Eudemonic" is a little-used word that means "happy-making." What are all the eudemonic activities you can think of? Make a list. How many of these happy-makers did you do yesterday, last week, this year? Which ones can you indulge in today? When you're facing a challenge, ask what would make you happy in this situation.
And cast a wide net. You may have "taking a cruise" on your list, but if you also remember that "hanging out at the library" and "playing with my dog" are eudemonic for you, you get to be happy every day--and that's important. What would make you happy now (that wouldn't make you unhappy later)? Do that.
Who Has Some Guidance for Me Right Now?
When you need help from another person, trust your inner knowing to tell who this is. Sit and do some slow, deep breathing for two or three minutes to go into a state of receptivity. Then ask, "Who has the right guidance for me?"
You may see a face or hear a name immediately, or you may be led down a thought-trail to a person. Use your rational mind to weigh the answer. If, for instance, you have a marital issue and the name of your 10-year-old comes up, this doesn't mean discuss your marriage with your child. It may, however, mean to put the child first as you work through things.
What is the Divine Intention for My Life Today?
As football has a Super Bowl, life has a Super Question, and this is it, asking the will of God, or the way of Tao, etc. Your request is to know how your day can be in keeping with divine design. You can go off in a different direction--we do it all the time and learn the lessons of the detour. Nevertheless, when you ask this and even attempt to follow through on the answer, you're taking the high road.
One of my mentors says, "I don't always do God's will, but I always want to." It's a great place to start. So ask the question. Its answer might be the only one you'll ever need.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lessons Janice Taylor learned from her own life-changing leap of faith five years ago.
By Janice Taylor
Five years ago, Janice Taylor took a mammoth leap of faith, diving headfirst into the proverbial pool of life. Determined to transform and reinvent her life and herself, she moved from large to small (size 18 to a size 4), from quiet to not-so-quiet, from stage-frightened to spotlight-craving, and from office worker to independent weight loss guru.
Today, Janice is a Life & Wellness Coach, the author of the best-selling "Our Lady of Weight Loss" and "All Is Forgiven, Move On"), a popular Beliefnet blogger, an inspiring motivational speaker, and a columnist. Her success-and the life changes that got her here--got us to wondering. How did Janice take that leap of faith and stick the landing? How did she avoid getting swallowed up by the fear monster and thoughts of failure?
Here, on the fifth anniversary of reinventing herself, Janice shares her secrets.
Leap of Faith: Ready, Fire, Aim!
It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believed in myself. ~ Muhammad Ali
We all have dreams - things that we want so intensely that we can taste them. Dreams that we can see in our mind's eye and feel in our hearts. As excited and as enthusiastic as we may be, it is sometimes hard to take the first steps that can turn our dreams into our realities.
Often doubt comes rolling in and knocks the wind out of our sails. Our energy start to fade. The negative self-talk begins: "What if I fail?" "Who am I kidding?" "This will never work." "I can't do it." Your first step is to realize that this is a natural phenomenon. We all have negative thoughts. Smile at these thoughts, and then get on your mark, get set, and READY, FIRE, AIM! Yup, you heard me right. Fire first; aim later.
Breathe and Energize
Breathe in experience, breathe out poetry. ~ Muriel Rukeyser
Take in a deep cleansing breath! You just jumped through the portal into life. Congratulations, and whew!
Breathing is an important part of the life-transformation plan, and it's something that we often overlook, because we think we already are breathing. Well, of course, we are, but usually not in a deep and meaningful way. Breathing releases endorphins that helps make us feel happy, enhances our appearance, and makes us feel instantly stronger and more confident. Breathing also revitalizes and energizes every cell in our body, as well as brings us back to center. So take a deep one!
Be Yourself
Be yourself, everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde
That line from Oscar Wilde has got to be the one of the best ever uttered. Truly, wishing to look like, act like, or be someone else is an enormous waste of time and energy. You are fabulous and, happily, no one can be you, it's already taken! Discover and explore each and every part of your being, your psyche, your soul. Embrace yourself fully-who you are, and who you will become as you transform your life.
Expect the Best
"Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby."~ George Bernard Shaw in "Pygmalion"
It is called the Pygmalion effect and it's a fact: If you expect the worst, you get it. Thoughts are not just insubstantial bits of information that enter our minds and fade away into the ether; thoughts are concrete things. Our words, ideas, and beliefs shape our daily lives. So get out of victim mode. You are worthy. Your dreams are within your reach. Imagine positive situations with happy outcomes.
Instead of asking yourself, "Well, what's the worst thing that can happen?" Ask yourself, "What's the best thing that can happen?" Expect the best!
Reframe Failure as the "F" Word
"There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them." ~ Thomas Krause
Do you remember when you were a kid and you were playing a game and made a fumble, and yelled, "Do over - do over - do over?" Well, grown-ups can yell "do over" too.
We've been conditioned to think of failing as a big, fat, shame-filled "F," bringing forth punishment (like summer school). Truly though, failure is just a word that sets off a reaction in us. Let's take failure, change our reaction to this "F" word, and reframe it.
Okay, so things didn't turn out the way you wanted, or go the way you planned. Take a look at the situation without judgment. Ask yourself, "What really happened here? How can I experience this as feedback? What can I do differently next time?" No judgment, just learning. No failures, just feedback.
Use Your "Want Power"
There is no such thing as will power; only want power. ~ Our Lady of Weight Loss
It's not about your "will," it's about your "want." "Using your "want power" means that you want something enough to make the necessary changes in your lifestyle to get it, and to make sure that you have all the tools and support that you need to make those changes. It's the preparation that guarantees success. Want power means that you are willing to do what it takes to get what you want. Get on your walking shoes, because you are about to go that extra mile!
Show Up!
Eighty percent of success is showing up. ~ Woody Allen
Each and every morning I show up. Simple as that. I start the day by asking myself a very simple yet powerful question. "How will I show up today?" And then I take out my "show up" journal and write.
There's no yes or no in it; there's no right or wrong in it. And on a subconscious level, using the words "will I" in the question implies that you will yourself to and you will show up today. Writing down the question each day taps into your subconscious mind, which then sends the answers straight through your fingers, through the pen, and onto the page. Do not think; just be present with the pen and write. "Showing up" may look different from day to day and that's okay, because each day is different and brings forth different resources that live within.
Motivate
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily. ~ Zig Ziglar
Isn't that the truth! Showing up and getting motivated go hand-in-hand.. Having shown up, I remind myself each day of what my goals are and what I need to do to move successfully throughout the day, toward my goals. At first, it may seem that staying motivated takes conscious effort, and it does! But once you are in the habit of showing up and motivating yourself, it will become as automatic as brushing your teeth
Give Yourself Permission
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same" ~ Nelson Mandela
Reinvention and transformation come with new challenges. By stretching your envelope, your limits, and your thoughts, you are able to achieve more than you ever imagined. Give yourself permission to dream BIG, to do MORE, to BELIEVE in yourself. In other words, give yourself permission to be you. Take the time to show up and take care of yourself. Give yourself permission to do, be, act however you need to so that you can give yourself whatever it is that you truly want from your life.
Practice ForgiveMess
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." ~ Lewish B. Smedes
No, that's not a typo. You really are creating quite a mess for yourself when you carry around years and platters-full of anger, upset, and resentment towards others and yourself. And while you may well be justified in your anger, because what so-and-so said and/or did was truly horrific, think about it. Who are you hurting? Yourself.
Frustration and aggravation can weigh you down both metaphorically and literally. Free yourself from guilt, anger, and hurt. Let the bitters go! Create space for success, abundance, prosperity, love, happiness, and enthusiasm. Repeat after me, "All is Forgiven, Move On!"
Choose What You'll Tolerate
"A leaky faucet, a barking dog - those are things you tolerate." ~ Candace Gingrich
What are you putting up with, what are you stomaching? What's getting in your way? What are you tolerating? It could be as simple as the dust behind the refrigerator, or could be a more complicated matter like a certain person in your life, or it could be one of those really tough things - bad hair days!
Any time you sincerely want to change your life, one of the first things you must do is change what you demand for yourself and raise your standards. Imagine all your "tolerations" as stones, twigs, and rocks - maybe even fallen trees - which you have essentially placed onto your path and have to maneuver around every day.
These stumbling blocks slow us down and sap our energy. As you clear your path, you will travel faster and more smoothly It will become increasingly easier to recognize and to say no to anything that could slow you down. Clear your path, and you will create space for your best self.
Toss Reality Out the Window
"I reject your reality and substitute it for my own."~ Adam Savage
Yes, I am advising you to set unreasonable goals if you want to transform your life. As "they" say, it's the journey that matters, not whether you reach the exact destination you thought you were heading towards. After all, the act of pursuing a goal activates the release of dopamine in the brain. Dopamine affects our capacity to feel pleasure and pain. Once the goal has been reached, the pleasure stops. So, it makes sense then to set a totally unreasonable goal, outside your comfort zone, and create small goals on the way to it. As you work toward your big "G," you will accomplish many little g's. It's a win/win!
Fear: What is it Good For? Absolutely Nothing!
Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live. ~ Dorothy Thompson
"They" say that you have to be fearless. I say, "Be real. Who's not afraid?" The thing about fear is that you simply do not want to let it paralyze you, stop you from moving forward, or get in your way.
How can you do that? What if you make friends with fear and invite it in? "Hello fear! Come on in." When you do this, you will soon realize that you have survived your fear. You can let it go now. Knock fear out of the ballpark, circle the bases, and head on home. You are the champion of your newly transformed life.
``````````````````````
10 Ways to Be Your Own Life Coach
By Victoria Moran
Victoria Moran is an inspirational speaker, spiritual life coach, and author of books including "Creating a Charmed Life" and "Fat, Broke & Lonely No More
Though we often seek advice from others, many spiritual traditions teach that the answer lies within. In this gallery, Victoria Moran, inspirational speaker, spiritual life coach, and author, offers us the top 10 questions she asks her coaching clients.
By asking them of yourself, they can help you gain clarity in almost any situation. Just pick a challenge you're dealing with, and apply one or more of the following questions. Then, be willing to act on what your inner wisdom reveals.
Is This Good For Me?
This question needs to underlie every personal decision--from how to respond to a job offer or what to chose from a menu. So many of our choices are either snap decisions or belabored: We ask a friend (and another and another), make a pros and cons list, throw the "I Ching."
While such processes have a place, you can simplify things by asking yourself if this is genuinely good for you--physically, mentally, and spiritually, today and next week and in 10 years. Because your inner being looks after your true interests--not just your ego cravings--you'll get the guidance you're looking for.
What Does My Body Have to Say About This?
Our culture has long mistrusted the body. It's been seen as a confusing blend of God's handiwork and the devil's playground. It is, rather, a vortex of intelligence.
Every cell comes equipped with awareness. Your body has something in the neighborhood of 40 trillion cells--quite a consulting committee. Call on it when you're confused or undecided. Relax quietly and ask your body what it has to say. Then note any sensations. Around your heart, are you picking up excitement that says "Yes!" even if there's also a little anxiety about doing something new? Or in your belly, are you feeling dread, a "gut reaction" telling you to take another path?
What Are My Values?
This is an important question to ask yourself periodically--on your birthday perhaps, or at the New Year. It's both liberating and motivating to be so well acquainted with your values that you could recite them on demand.
My husband was working with this question and announced, "My values spell ditch: discretion, integrity, tolerance, civility, humility." He was so pleased with his discovery that he had a bracelet made with his values engraved on it. You may want to do something similar, but as long as your values are engraved on your psyche and acted on in your life, that's enough.
What Would Jesus (Buddha, Sai Baba, My Grandmother) Do?
Thinking of a role model, whether a great spiritual teacher or a sweet spiritual person, is like having a mentor on-call. Ask yourself what this person would do in your situation. A technique for tapping their wisdom is to write out the question and the answer. This doesn't mean that you're channeling a spirit or writing a new gospel: you're simply tapping into the wisdom that knowing this person (or knowing of this person) has given you.
Your questioning on paper can become a fascinating conversation that yields surprising insights. And it gives the phrase "friends in high places" a whole new meaning.
What Am I Not Seeing?
We all live with blinders on. They come with having a personal vantage point. And yet the answer to a dilemma may lie in seeing just another millimeter of the situation. Ask, then, "What am I not seeing here?" Often, what we're not seeing is what we don't want to see.
Let's say you're feeling uncomfortable in your job for no apparent reason. If you were to see just a bit more of the picture, you might learn (or remember) that the problem is not the role per se, it's that it isn't using a talent you're yearning to express. Once you see that, you can take appropriate action.
What Really Matters Here?
In his classic of the spiritual life, "At the Feet of the Master," Krishnamurti writes that as we grow spiritually, it is essential to discern not just right from wrong, but more important from less important.
Whether it's prioritizing your to-do list or figuring out which demands you can tend to today and which ones will wait, you need to ask yourself what really matters. Generally speaking, things with feelings--i.e., living beings, particularly those closest to you--will take precedence. No matter the answer, you'll learn what's of greatest consequence to you in this instance.
Where Should I Act and Where Should I Step Back?
Ask this to get a sense of what is yours to do and what isn't. This is the advanced class in enlightened living. Countless times we've all acted too soon or without sufficient information, or we've stepped in where our input wasn't needed and muddied circumstances that were already working themselves out.
When you ask yourself, quietly and confidently, what your part is in a given situation, and where to wait (or exit entirely), you'll get a clear idea of your role. If you ask the question and still want to act against the advice of your internal coach, remind yourself that, although life is a series of little dramas, none of them needs a drama queen (or king).
What Would Make Me Genuinely Happy?
"Eudemonic" is a little-used word that means "happy-making." What are all the eudemonic activities you can think of? Make a list. How many of these happy-makers did you do yesterday, last week, this year? Which ones can you indulge in today? When you're facing a challenge, ask what would make you happy in this situation.
And cast a wide net. You may have "taking a cruise" on your list, but if you also remember that "hanging out at the library" and "playing with my dog" are eudemonic for you, you get to be happy every day--and that's important. What would make you happy now (that wouldn't make you unhappy later)? Do that.
Who Has Some Guidance for Me Right Now?
When you need help from another person, trust your inner knowing to tell who this is. Sit and do some slow, deep breathing for two or three minutes to go into a state of receptivity. Then ask, "Who has the right guidance for me?"
You may see a face or hear a name immediately, or you may be led down a thought-trail to a person. Use your rational mind to weigh the answer. If, for instance, you have a marital issue and the name of your 10-year-old comes up, this doesn't mean discuss your marriage with your child. It may, however, mean to put the child first as you work through things.
What is the Divine Intention for My Life Today?
As football has a Super Bowl, life has a Super Question, and this is it, asking the will of God, or the way of Tao, etc. Your request is to know how your day can be in keeping with divine design. You can go off in a different direction--we do it all the time and learn the lessons of the detour. Nevertheless, when you ask this and even attempt to follow through on the answer, you're taking the high road.
One of my mentors says, "I don't always do God's will, but I always want to." It's a great place to start. So ask the question. Its answer might be the only one you'll ever need.
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