Post by Rhonda on Aug 26, 2007 20:25:15 GMT -5
FURBALL DUO
by Laurie Fabrizio
They are faster than a whizzing tennis ball, more persistent
than a canker sore and can pry open a door, with a flip of a paw.
The crime scene -- the pantry, kitchen counter and any purse or
back pack left unattended.
The fur-ball duo can strike at any time. These conniving,
conspiring dogs are totally guiltless. Grocery shopping day is
usually when I will witness them plotting. Eyes shift back and forth
as they mentally take inventory of what is being stocked in the
pantry. Drool splatters the kitchen floor as they anticipate
checking out the latest stash.
The female sops up the slime with a paper towel, lecturing the
male on the dangers of leaving behind DNA. They sit there meek and
innocent expecting me to prepare dinner. Stray crumbs and scraps
inevitably make their way to the floor.
Wait. The mixer is on the counter and that can only mean one
thing -- homemade cookies! Soon the aroma drives them nutty. They
circle the center island, praying a cookie will sail off the cooling
rack. The door bell rings, interrupting the sound of their panting.
"Woof," they chime in, clearly not focused on who is at the
door. I run to answer it, perplexed by the absence of her watch dogs.
Instantly, the male counter surfs, snatching several cookies
before she returns. The duo disappears like snacks after a soccer
game.
Hidden behind the family room chair, they vainly attempt to
appear invisible. "All right you sneaky perpetrators, I see you," I
yell after discovering several cookies are MIA.
"You left a crumb trail. Clearly you both haven't been watching
CSI K-9." The female glares at the male as if to say, "You moron,
you gave us away. That's what happens when you send a male to do the
job."
The cookies are now placed so far out of reach, even Gumby
couldn't grab them. Mom smirks at the hopeless duo and heads outside
to tend to her garden. Like clock work, the duo tag teams. The male
paws the pantry door handle, and it creaks open. The female races in
and starts nosing through the Rubbermaid containers.
"Hmm... Doritos or cheese popcorn, it's a tough choice. She
grabs the Doritos and the two race off in search of a hideaway. But
how to get rid of the evidence?
"If the bag was paper, I'd eat it," says the female between
mouthfuls. "With any luck, the evidence and the crime scene might
not be discovered for a few days."
"Yuck, you have moose breath," the female informs the male.
"Yours smells like the trash can," chimes the male, not to be
out done. He is suddenly craving something minty and remembers
seeing Mom's purse on her desk. Now, if he can just tip it over.
That was easy he thinks to himself as he grabs the zipper with his
teeth. Zip!
Unable to disguise his excitement, he realizes he has hit the
"mother load." The wrappers are not a deterrent for crafty paws.
The female, sensing something is amiss, charges over to see why there
is a furry butt is sticking out from under the desk.
"Now who has moose breath," he says grinning. Suddenly the
mudroom door opens. In walks the daughter with a squirming ball of
fluff in her arms. They rush to greet her, but soon have second
thoughts when she sets the intruder on the floor.
"Hey guys, this is Sadie. She's just a puppy, so be gentle with
her. I'm counting on you two to make her feel welcome and show her
the ropes."
"Great, more competition," mutters the female. A new recruit
and someone to take the blame, surmises the male. She did tell us to
show her the ropes.
Within days, the "furball duo" becomes the "the scavenger trio."
Newcomer Sadie emerges as the mole, performing undetected pantry
surveillance, while passing for a dust bunny. The male perfects his
breaking and entering, and the female remains the mastermind, in
charge of destroying the evidence.
To this day, it is never clear who the true perpetrator is.
-- Laurie Fabrizio <laurie at fabrizios.com>
___________________________________________
Laurie resides in the Minneapolis, Minnesota, area with her husband
and two teenage daughters. Her publication credits include
Heartwarmers, Petwarmers, Mom Writers Literary Magazine and A Long
Story Short. Most recently, she won Finalist and Semi Finalist in
the Humor Press America's Funniest Humor contest.
_________________________
by Laurie Fabrizio
They are faster than a whizzing tennis ball, more persistent
than a canker sore and can pry open a door, with a flip of a paw.
The crime scene -- the pantry, kitchen counter and any purse or
back pack left unattended.
The fur-ball duo can strike at any time. These conniving,
conspiring dogs are totally guiltless. Grocery shopping day is
usually when I will witness them plotting. Eyes shift back and forth
as they mentally take inventory of what is being stocked in the
pantry. Drool splatters the kitchen floor as they anticipate
checking out the latest stash.
The female sops up the slime with a paper towel, lecturing the
male on the dangers of leaving behind DNA. They sit there meek and
innocent expecting me to prepare dinner. Stray crumbs and scraps
inevitably make their way to the floor.
Wait. The mixer is on the counter and that can only mean one
thing -- homemade cookies! Soon the aroma drives them nutty. They
circle the center island, praying a cookie will sail off the cooling
rack. The door bell rings, interrupting the sound of their panting.
"Woof," they chime in, clearly not focused on who is at the
door. I run to answer it, perplexed by the absence of her watch dogs.
Instantly, the male counter surfs, snatching several cookies
before she returns. The duo disappears like snacks after a soccer
game.
Hidden behind the family room chair, they vainly attempt to
appear invisible. "All right you sneaky perpetrators, I see you," I
yell after discovering several cookies are MIA.
"You left a crumb trail. Clearly you both haven't been watching
CSI K-9." The female glares at the male as if to say, "You moron,
you gave us away. That's what happens when you send a male to do the
job."
The cookies are now placed so far out of reach, even Gumby
couldn't grab them. Mom smirks at the hopeless duo and heads outside
to tend to her garden. Like clock work, the duo tag teams. The male
paws the pantry door handle, and it creaks open. The female races in
and starts nosing through the Rubbermaid containers.
"Hmm... Doritos or cheese popcorn, it's a tough choice. She
grabs the Doritos and the two race off in search of a hideaway. But
how to get rid of the evidence?
"If the bag was paper, I'd eat it," says the female between
mouthfuls. "With any luck, the evidence and the crime scene might
not be discovered for a few days."
"Yuck, you have moose breath," the female informs the male.
"Yours smells like the trash can," chimes the male, not to be
out done. He is suddenly craving something minty and remembers
seeing Mom's purse on her desk. Now, if he can just tip it over.
That was easy he thinks to himself as he grabs the zipper with his
teeth. Zip!
Unable to disguise his excitement, he realizes he has hit the
"mother load." The wrappers are not a deterrent for crafty paws.
The female, sensing something is amiss, charges over to see why there
is a furry butt is sticking out from under the desk.
"Now who has moose breath," he says grinning. Suddenly the
mudroom door opens. In walks the daughter with a squirming ball of
fluff in her arms. They rush to greet her, but soon have second
thoughts when she sets the intruder on the floor.
"Hey guys, this is Sadie. She's just a puppy, so be gentle with
her. I'm counting on you two to make her feel welcome and show her
the ropes."
"Great, more competition," mutters the female. A new recruit
and someone to take the blame, surmises the male. She did tell us to
show her the ropes.
Within days, the "furball duo" becomes the "the scavenger trio."
Newcomer Sadie emerges as the mole, performing undetected pantry
surveillance, while passing for a dust bunny. The male perfects his
breaking and entering, and the female remains the mastermind, in
charge of destroying the evidence.
To this day, it is never clear who the true perpetrator is.
-- Laurie Fabrizio <laurie at fabrizios.com>
___________________________________________
Laurie resides in the Minneapolis, Minnesota, area with her husband
and two teenage daughters. Her publication credits include
Heartwarmers, Petwarmers, Mom Writers Literary Magazine and A Long
Story Short. Most recently, she won Finalist and Semi Finalist in
the Humor Press America's Funniest Humor contest.
_________________________