Post by Mel on Jan 27, 2006 11:44:08 GMT -5
Dealing with death and the grieving process: when to try and move on
Grieving is a normal human process that occurs when we lose someone we love. When is this considered dysfunctional grieving?
When someone we love or feel close to dies, it is normal to go through a grief process: a period of sadness and mourning for the loss of the person. Dr. Kubler-Ross has done pioneering studies in the process of grieving and identifies five components.
Although it is possible to experience these five states in any order, the typical presentation would be disbelief, sadness, anger, bargaining and acceptance. Grieving may begin before death, in the case of a chronic or terminal illness. In a sudden death, such as a massive heart attack, the grieving process begins abruptly.
There are times when death is welcomed, as in the case of debilitated and elderly individuals, or those who have been suffering terrible pain. We still feel sadness and loss, but here death can be a release, and the grieving process follows a smoother an more predictable pattern.
Other situations where grief can be prolonged and protracted: car accidents, especially those involving drunk drivers, multiple deaths; murders or murder-suicides; suicides, especially if committed in the home setting, and the death of children.
The normal grieving process would consist of periods of crying, feelings of overwhelming sadness, numbness, inability to concentrate, loss of appetite, insomnia, and desire to remember and often eulogize the deceased.
This process can be triggered by anything that reminds the loved one of their times together: favorite music, restaurants, TV shows, birthdays, holidays, a scent associated with the deceased, a glimpse of a person who resembles them, et al.
When grieving becomes dyfunctional is when the family or friends are unable to resume regular activities of living: grooming, eating, sleeping, or experience emotions other than sadness, despair and depression.
Compared to normal grieving, time is also a key element. Hospice associations offer up to two years free or sliding scale grief and loss groups for family and friends. There is no normal right amount of time to grieve, and exhortions for your near and dear to "just get over it" and "pull yourself together" tend to give the wrong message.
While it is crucial for the grieving to validate loss of their partner, mate or child, this becomes the realm of professional counseling or assistance of clergy when the grief stricken is stuck in the process, usually at the point of anger or denial.
Examples would include making the loved one's room a shrine that no one can enter, and nothing be touched for a period of over a year or so. A spouse who sets a place at the table each meal for two years, is clearly more than forgetful.
Differing cultures may handle death in a variety of ways, often giving closure through funerals, sitting shiva or wakes. It is important to feel our loss, and to acknowledge the pain, while eventually realizing life can go on. When grief interferes with enjoyment of the here and now, and the conversation turns constantly to the deceased, is is essential to move on toward acceptance of an often painful loss.
Grieving is a normal human process that occurs when we lose someone we love. When is this considered dysfunctional grieving?
When someone we love or feel close to dies, it is normal to go through a grief process: a period of sadness and mourning for the loss of the person. Dr. Kubler-Ross has done pioneering studies in the process of grieving and identifies five components.
Although it is possible to experience these five states in any order, the typical presentation would be disbelief, sadness, anger, bargaining and acceptance. Grieving may begin before death, in the case of a chronic or terminal illness. In a sudden death, such as a massive heart attack, the grieving process begins abruptly.
There are times when death is welcomed, as in the case of debilitated and elderly individuals, or those who have been suffering terrible pain. We still feel sadness and loss, but here death can be a release, and the grieving process follows a smoother an more predictable pattern.
Other situations where grief can be prolonged and protracted: car accidents, especially those involving drunk drivers, multiple deaths; murders or murder-suicides; suicides, especially if committed in the home setting, and the death of children.
The normal grieving process would consist of periods of crying, feelings of overwhelming sadness, numbness, inability to concentrate, loss of appetite, insomnia, and desire to remember and often eulogize the deceased.
This process can be triggered by anything that reminds the loved one of their times together: favorite music, restaurants, TV shows, birthdays, holidays, a scent associated with the deceased, a glimpse of a person who resembles them, et al.
When grieving becomes dyfunctional is when the family or friends are unable to resume regular activities of living: grooming, eating, sleeping, or experience emotions other than sadness, despair and depression.
Compared to normal grieving, time is also a key element. Hospice associations offer up to two years free or sliding scale grief and loss groups for family and friends. There is no normal right amount of time to grieve, and exhortions for your near and dear to "just get over it" and "pull yourself together" tend to give the wrong message.
While it is crucial for the grieving to validate loss of their partner, mate or child, this becomes the realm of professional counseling or assistance of clergy when the grief stricken is stuck in the process, usually at the point of anger or denial.
Examples would include making the loved one's room a shrine that no one can enter, and nothing be touched for a period of over a year or so. A spouse who sets a place at the table each meal for two years, is clearly more than forgetful.
Differing cultures may handle death in a variety of ways, often giving closure through funerals, sitting shiva or wakes. It is important to feel our loss, and to acknowledge the pain, while eventually realizing life can go on. When grief interferes with enjoyment of the here and now, and the conversation turns constantly to the deceased, is is essential to move on toward acceptance of an often painful loss.