Post by claudiabree on Feb 14, 2008 7:03:02 GMT -5
I sit here on my fifth day of sleep deprivation in a haze of knowledge and sadness. I have BPD and was in intense therapy for five years from two failed suicides. Most days and many I must search for something to keep myself going. i see all the posts here and I realize how many of us there are and it makes me feel very much more a part of humanity instead of alone.
I have been doing very well, until I moved to Spokane, WA in July of 2007. I was graduated from therapy, managed medically and feeling possitive about life when I got here.
Today I live in a very rural area of Spokane Co., which is beautiful, yet sadly lacking in support. I've been dealing with amazingly heavy snows, trying to survive on SSDisabilityI, living in a small 36 x 8 ft tailer with 3 dogs and six cats, an unreliable truck, cabin fever, lax in being able to make my doctors visits, and on and on.... My management is lacking. I called for help yesterday. Which I hate admitting that I need. I'm streched very tight stress wise right now. As many of us are. Yet I have very little to no human support here.
I know my illness well. I KNOW what I need to do. I have a ride to my pharmacy later today, yet still need to see my doctor somehow.
BASICALLY, HELP. Words of support. I'm not suicidal. I'm just really sad and alone right now. I found this site today, St.Valentines, and I thought the best form of love right now is to myself and admitting that I need all of you desperately.
Like most BPD's I am capable of loving so many others and showing none to me.
I hope for all of us that suffer mental toil that we can love ourselves enough to live another day and fight as hard as we can to care for ourselves.
Sorry for the legnth, thank you for reading...
CBree