Post by Mel on Dec 31, 2005 18:23:17 GMT -5
Self-Injury Keeps Other People at a Distance
Self-injury may help you cope and survive, as well as have some other purposes, but it can also have a detrimental effects on your relationships with other individuals. One of these effects is to keep other people at a distance, in both emotional and physical ways.
Self-injury encourages emotional distance from other people in several ways. First, "the secrecy and shame attached to many SI behaviors causes a lack of honesty and open communication between you and the imortant other in your life." You may have not told anyone about your self-injury. You may edit information about your self-injury and about how you feel (your emotional states.) You may even lie about what you do and how you feel. Each of these hinders or cuts off communication and intimacy with other people, which creates distance. You can't be close with others if you are lying to them.
Dissociation, a "spaced-out" state that may accompany self-injury, may also create emotional distance. Remember that dissociation may come before or after an act of self-injury. You cannot feel connected with other people if you are in a dissociated state, because during dissociation you feel disconnected from yourself. You can't feel emotionally close to other people if you are distant from yourself. "SI, to the extent that it contributes to dissociation, will cause you to feel isolated and removed from those around you."
You may also keep other people from yourself because of the wounds and scars caused by self-injury. For example, you may sleep in a separate room from your partner so that your injuries are not discovered. You may also keep from having sexual or intimate contact with others for the same reason. Even if the other person knows about your SI, you may not want yours scars or injuries to be exposed or touched. Or you may feel self-conscious or ashamed when other people notice your scars.
Closing the GapNow that you have found how self-injury hinders communication and helps keep you distant from other people, you may now be able to reduce the distance between yourself and others. Ending your self-injurious activities is a way to decrease this distance. This is because by not hurting yourself, you don't create the results of SI, such as shame, wounds, etc., which cause you to remove yourself from others. But this solution may not be realistic for many people because they may not be ready to end their self-injurious behaviors. So, instead of stopping your self-injurious activities, you may choose to decrease the distance between yourself and others by "not allowing yourself to engage in those behaviors that serve to create distance."
"For example. if you refuse to let others physically touch your scars because you are self-conscious or ashamed of them, by doing so you are distancing yourself. To promote your intimacy with others, don't allow yourself to act in this way. Let other people touch your scars. Stop omitting information about the cause of your injuries. Begin to talk to others openly and honestly about SI."
Doing this will be difficult for you and requires a great amount of courage and risk-taking. But you will feel more connected with other people, which may decrease your desire to hurt yourself. Stopping SI, and decreasing the distance between yourself and others, is probably going to be a long and difficult process. It will take perseverance and courage to be successful.
Self-injury may help you cope and survive, as well as have some other purposes, but it can also have a detrimental effects on your relationships with other individuals. One of these effects is to keep other people at a distance, in both emotional and physical ways.
Self-injury encourages emotional distance from other people in several ways. First, "the secrecy and shame attached to many SI behaviors causes a lack of honesty and open communication between you and the imortant other in your life." You may have not told anyone about your self-injury. You may edit information about your self-injury and about how you feel (your emotional states.) You may even lie about what you do and how you feel. Each of these hinders or cuts off communication and intimacy with other people, which creates distance. You can't be close with others if you are lying to them.
Dissociation, a "spaced-out" state that may accompany self-injury, may also create emotional distance. Remember that dissociation may come before or after an act of self-injury. You cannot feel connected with other people if you are in a dissociated state, because during dissociation you feel disconnected from yourself. You can't feel emotionally close to other people if you are distant from yourself. "SI, to the extent that it contributes to dissociation, will cause you to feel isolated and removed from those around you."
You may also keep other people from yourself because of the wounds and scars caused by self-injury. For example, you may sleep in a separate room from your partner so that your injuries are not discovered. You may also keep from having sexual or intimate contact with others for the same reason. Even if the other person knows about your SI, you may not want yours scars or injuries to be exposed or touched. Or you may feel self-conscious or ashamed when other people notice your scars.
Closing the GapNow that you have found how self-injury hinders communication and helps keep you distant from other people, you may now be able to reduce the distance between yourself and others. Ending your self-injurious activities is a way to decrease this distance. This is because by not hurting yourself, you don't create the results of SI, such as shame, wounds, etc., which cause you to remove yourself from others. But this solution may not be realistic for many people because they may not be ready to end their self-injurious behaviors. So, instead of stopping your self-injurious activities, you may choose to decrease the distance between yourself and others by "not allowing yourself to engage in those behaviors that serve to create distance."
"For example. if you refuse to let others physically touch your scars because you are self-conscious or ashamed of them, by doing so you are distancing yourself. To promote your intimacy with others, don't allow yourself to act in this way. Let other people touch your scars. Stop omitting information about the cause of your injuries. Begin to talk to others openly and honestly about SI."
Doing this will be difficult for you and requires a great amount of courage and risk-taking. But you will feel more connected with other people, which may decrease your desire to hurt yourself. Stopping SI, and decreasing the distance between yourself and others, is probably going to be a long and difficult process. It will take perseverance and courage to be successful.