Post by Mel on Dec 31, 2005 18:24:12 GMT -5
Coping With Other People's Reactions To Your Self-Injury
It is very important to realize how much your actions affect others around you. Self-injury causes many different emotions and reactions in others. You may not have the intention of provoking a reaction, you may not even want others to know about your SI, but most likely the will react.
Most of the reactions others have to your self-injury will be negative. You may have already noticed this if you have noticeable scars or wounds. People may see people staring at your scars or wounds, or hear cruel remarks on your mental state. Also, other people may treat you differently after they find out about your self-injurious activities. This is because a large amount of people may see SI as sick, disgusting, or crazy.
You may experience negative reactions to your self-injury, if you have not already. And you may be unprepared for these reactions. You may be so focused on the great amount of courage and effort it takes to tell others about your SI, that the possible ramifications for others may not have occured to you. Eventually you will notice some of the negative effects of telling others about your SI. You possibly may lose friends because they are unable or unwilling to deal with your self-injurious behavior. There may be subtler changes in your relationships with others, such as friends or family members inspecting you for new injuries. Also, friends and family may focus your conversations on your SI rather than other parts of your life. Each of these reactions will change your relationship in some way.
Another reaction which is on of the most difficult and damaging is nonreaction. Sometimes others will not respond to your behaviors, which may make you feel invisible. And as has been stated in the FAQ section, self-injury is often connecting to feelings of isolation and alienation. When you are ignored, the feelings of being invisible can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation that are part of the SI cycle.
When self-injury is met with a negative response or nonreaction, you will feel negative emotions of your own. When you are met with a nonreaction you may begin to hurt yourself more often or more visibly. You might increase the severity of your injuries so that they no longer can be ignored. And eventually you may stop trying to provoke a reaction and end up feeling more isolated, more invisible, more rejected.
Although it is true that self-injury affects and creates reactions in the people around you, this is not a sufficient reason to try to stop or change your SI behavior. You may decide to change your self-injurious behaviors, but it is essential that you do this for yourself and not to please others. You are not responsible for controlling or changing the feelings of others, nor is this even possible.
It would be nice to not be affected by the reactions of others, but this is not likely to happen. Whatever the other person's reaction, it will almost certainly have am impact on you. On method you may use to cope with others reactions is to try to understand why they are reacting this way. Since you can't control others reactions, you can only try to understand them.
Learning to Communicate DirectlySelf-injury is a very indirect method of communication. And the message that others receive why they learn about your self-injurious behavior likely will be distorted and inaccurate. You may think that your SI only communicates one message, but it actually send many, some of which may not be what you intended. This is miscommunication.
Miscommunication has many results. First, your needs will be left unmet because you are unlikely to get your point across. Also, SI is often misinterpreted as an act of manipulation. Because self-injury is an indirect form of communication, people might think that you are trying to provoke a response or reaction from them. In some cases this may be true, but most often, manipulation is not the goal of SI. But because you are not being direct about your intentions, your needs, and your internal feelings, "you leave yourself open to a wide variety of misinterpretations, many of which will not be favorable."
Instead of using self-injury as a form of communication, it would be better to talk about self-injury directly with other people. Messages you are trying to transmit will be communicated much more clearly with words than with self-injury. This does not say that you need to stop injuring yourself; you can only do that when you are ready and have alternate coping mechanisms. "However, communicating directly about the ways you use, view, and think of SI will help clarify some of the possible areas of miscommunication."
It is very important to realize how much your actions affect others around you. Self-injury causes many different emotions and reactions in others. You may not have the intention of provoking a reaction, you may not even want others to know about your SI, but most likely the will react.
Most of the reactions others have to your self-injury will be negative. You may have already noticed this if you have noticeable scars or wounds. People may see people staring at your scars or wounds, or hear cruel remarks on your mental state. Also, other people may treat you differently after they find out about your self-injurious activities. This is because a large amount of people may see SI as sick, disgusting, or crazy.
You may experience negative reactions to your self-injury, if you have not already. And you may be unprepared for these reactions. You may be so focused on the great amount of courage and effort it takes to tell others about your SI, that the possible ramifications for others may not have occured to you. Eventually you will notice some of the negative effects of telling others about your SI. You possibly may lose friends because they are unable or unwilling to deal with your self-injurious behavior. There may be subtler changes in your relationships with others, such as friends or family members inspecting you for new injuries. Also, friends and family may focus your conversations on your SI rather than other parts of your life. Each of these reactions will change your relationship in some way.
Another reaction which is on of the most difficult and damaging is nonreaction. Sometimes others will not respond to your behaviors, which may make you feel invisible. And as has been stated in the FAQ section, self-injury is often connecting to feelings of isolation and alienation. When you are ignored, the feelings of being invisible can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation that are part of the SI cycle.
When self-injury is met with a negative response or nonreaction, you will feel negative emotions of your own. When you are met with a nonreaction you may begin to hurt yourself more often or more visibly. You might increase the severity of your injuries so that they no longer can be ignored. And eventually you may stop trying to provoke a reaction and end up feeling more isolated, more invisible, more rejected.
Although it is true that self-injury affects and creates reactions in the people around you, this is not a sufficient reason to try to stop or change your SI behavior. You may decide to change your self-injurious behaviors, but it is essential that you do this for yourself and not to please others. You are not responsible for controlling or changing the feelings of others, nor is this even possible.
It would be nice to not be affected by the reactions of others, but this is not likely to happen. Whatever the other person's reaction, it will almost certainly have am impact on you. On method you may use to cope with others reactions is to try to understand why they are reacting this way. Since you can't control others reactions, you can only try to understand them.
Learning to Communicate DirectlySelf-injury is a very indirect method of communication. And the message that others receive why they learn about your self-injurious behavior likely will be distorted and inaccurate. You may think that your SI only communicates one message, but it actually send many, some of which may not be what you intended. This is miscommunication.
Miscommunication has many results. First, your needs will be left unmet because you are unlikely to get your point across. Also, SI is often misinterpreted as an act of manipulation. Because self-injury is an indirect form of communication, people might think that you are trying to provoke a response or reaction from them. In some cases this may be true, but most often, manipulation is not the goal of SI. But because you are not being direct about your intentions, your needs, and your internal feelings, "you leave yourself open to a wide variety of misinterpretations, many of which will not be favorable."
Instead of using self-injury as a form of communication, it would be better to talk about self-injury directly with other people. Messages you are trying to transmit will be communicated much more clearly with words than with self-injury. This does not say that you need to stop injuring yourself; you can only do that when you are ready and have alternate coping mechanisms. "However, communicating directly about the ways you use, view, and think of SI will help clarify some of the possible areas of miscommunication."