Day program

[diva]

The day program is ok. It's hard to describe in only two days of being there. My fears have thus far gotten the best of me, I have not been able to eat or drink almost anything for yesterday and today. But I met my new therapist yesterday, she is very nice, her name is Jennifer. She is young, she is probably just a little older than I am. Everyone seems to be nice, although one fight broke out in right front of me yesterday, they assured me that it was not the usual thing to happen there. I felt very lonely ,lost and confused, out of place, and scared. Today started out rough, I went in with a bit better outlook on things, but the first group was very tough for me, not only the discussion, but there were people who were saying things they shouldn't be out loud and it was very frusterating for me. I was soo upset that I started pacing back and forth, and continued for almost an hour. I was asked many times if I was ok, and I didn't want to talk to those people at the time so I just said yes I'm fine. However one of the counselors noticed me and asked if I was alright and again I said yes but they must not have believed me because they got Jennifer and we went to a private room and talked for a little while. She also changed my schedule around to put me in an easier group, and there was some confusion and I was not originally placed in tomorrow's Eating Disorder group, but she fixed that too. She also noticed my not eating and we talked about it and she said that I could go in her office or a private room anytime I felt the need to and I could eat there if I wanted to. The thing is that I can't eat around people - I get anxiety attacks - that is how much it bothers me. But I told her I wasn't ready to today and I really wasn't, but that I may try tomorrow with a fresh start. Also the group tomorrow am for eating disorders may help me feel better. And I am going to another CRAED ( Capital Region Association for Eating Disorders ) group tonight with my friend Erika. So maybe that will help me for tomorrow too. so to continue on with my day today and the program, I ended up skipping my next group oi=in the afternoon because someone said that she, the leader of the group, gave out candy at that group. so instead of setting myself up for another anxiety attack, because of the food, I chose to not go, maybe I'll feel different next time, but for today I could not handel it. Anyways, after "lunch time" it got a bit easier for me. I went to the last group, which was actually run by Jennifer, my therapist, today. It was basically a activities group to help us socialize. At the start of it I was just sitting by myself knitting, Jennifer at first came over to me and said that usually is not allowed as this is a socialization group, but then she said since you are so new I will give you a break today. But after a while, by the middle of the group I relaxed some and started playing hang man with others in the group. And let me tell you I rocked at it! I stumped them all. My first word was "RHYTHM" they got so confused by the fact that there were no vowels, that they couldn't figure it out for like 10 minutes! I was actually laughing!! Outside my family, I haven't really done much laughing lately, so it was a good thing!! Well, I better get going so I can be ready for Erika to pick me up for CRAED!!
Tootles!
Nikki Michaella Martello

[Rhonda]

Hey Nikki:

I pray things will get easier for you--and well hope ths program will give you the help that you need.

About all the advice i can offer is take things one day at a time and do it again tomorrow.---Rome was not built in a day so be patient with yourself and well fights have a tendecy to upset me.

Personally with how you were feeling emotionally --you did very well just to show up-- I am proud of you--hope that you are proud of yourself

Hang Strong
Rhonda

[Mel]

Hey Nikki,

First I want to apologize for taking so long to respond and also for not being tat the group Thursday night. I had a papaer that was due today and needed to finish then I had to get up early for class.

I read this post at the computer lab and have been thinking about what to say. I want to say that I think its a real positive thing that you like your counselor for that is very important in recovery is to have a good support net work.

Its a good sign to hear that the staff noticed that you were not doing so good and that Jenifer was able to talk to you privatley thats great and shows a that you are in a great program. She listen to you about your concerns and took actiuion as far getting you into a less stressful group and maybe in the near future you will be able to attend the more intensive group but not until you are ready.

Take lunch time slow and take baby steps. Get yourself a bottle of water thou becuz you want to drink at least. Bring crackers or soemthing with you so you can at least have something to snack on. Then as you feel comfortable take advantage of the offer of eating in her office for a little while till you feel a little more comfortable. It will come trust me it will.

Great on Job on thirty days. THATS AWESOME NIKKI. You are strong you really are. I really wanted to go to group last night but I had to do that paper and it needed to get done. I will email you as to what is going on.

Anyways, tag me when you are online and we can talk. I am here for you.

Always~Mel

[diva]

Thanks for your replys and suggestions Rhonda and Mel. Mel you do not have to appologize about not being at CRAED, but I'm glad to know you were ok, I was concerned about you.
Nikki

[Mel]

Hey forgot to ask you how was the group?? Was there many ppl there? Yea I kno I am nosey hehe Just wondering how it went.

Mel